i had a thought

life

I used to be happy.  But then life took over.

Wait.  What? 

I am happy.  I'm in control.  I choose.  In fact, I chose.  

So what's the deal?

Well, I lost sight.  I forgot.  I let go.  I was no longer in control.  Because I chose to let it happen to me.  I didn't make it happen.  It's because I didn't take action.  

You see, I'm tired.  I'm trying to fight off a cold.  I'm trying to fight off a semi-permanent case of the Mondays.  And I gave in to a severe case of the pities.

But I'm back on board.  I'm gaining control again.  One decisive movement at a time.  I'm driving this bus.  Although I think it's a train.  Either way, I'm creating motivation.  Instead of trying to find it.  Or waiting for the motivation to find me.  

I've hydrated, brushed my teeth, and put on some pop-y  music.  I had my cup of coffee.  I have my snacks, water bottle, and box of kleenex.  I am wearing my hoodie and I put on my socks and there is a blanket nearby.  I have the information spread out in front of me.  I'm ready to tackle this.  In a huge way.  

Besides, I'm up against a deadline.  And that always had the tendency to light the fire under me.

You see, I tried to sit down and write the paper the other day.  But I was uncomfortable with the supporting material.  There just wasn't enough.  I had too many unanswered questions.  But now, I have to do it or else.  Or else the grades of 4 other people will suffer.  And I'm just not that kind of team player.  So here I am, buckled down with the same inadequate material, to write a kick ass report.  

Because other people are depending on me.

And isn't that the best reason to power through?  

Because someone else needs me to.

Because it's not always about me.

In other news, it is always freaking about me.  While I cut the fat in my to-do list recently, it's allowed me too much down time.  Which is the driver behind these Mondays that appear randomly in the middle of the week.  Argh!  So I've now rescheduled that down time into up time.  Because this girl needs to be scheduled to stay motivated.  It's not about how I feel at the moment.  It's about what needs to be done.  And since I will have already decided that is how I need spend that time, there's no need to have an internal debate about it.

Because, to be more clear, it's not always about what I want.

It's about what needs to be done.

M

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